A vocabulary lesson on alcohol

(Thanks to the chicagoist for the image.)

With the recent banning of the alcoholic energy drink Four Loko in New York, Michigan and Washington states, I thought I should voice an opinion that hardly anyone will read (just like any other warning on anything) about the things people neglect when it comes to alcohol.

Lesson No. 1, also known as the reason Four Loko was banned: Drink responsibly.

Drink: (v.) Take in liquids; Consume alcohol.
Responsibly: (adv.) In a responsible manner.
Responsible: (adj.) Worthy of or requiring responsibility or trust; Held accountable.

Now, according to this, the warning that shows quite clearly on every single can/bottle of alcohol purchased or advertisement made for the stuff means "to take in alcohol in a trusting manner for which you can be held accountable."

You know what this doesn't mean? Everyone go buy five Four Lokos and see who can chug them down the fastest.

No one wins in that scenario. You black out, puke all over yourself, look like an complete jerk and aren't able to get out of bed the next day because of a headache that is hardly worth the title of "champ."

It's not just Four Lokos though (silly Food and Drug Administration). It's any kind of alcohol, period. Edward 40 Hands, Rack Races, Power Hours, no matter what it is, there are always going to be those assholes who think they're the coolest thing to ever grace this earth because they can down a water bottle of vodka and not puke until they shower the next morning.

Well, assholes who ruined Four Loko for everyone, though you'll probably never read this, I would like you to know that if the people of those three states previously mentioned actually knew who you were, you'd probably be strung upside down from a lamppost, naked, and left until someone (most like the police since it's their job) pitied you enough to cut you down.

Now, I don't mean to only attack the Four Loko situation because I do realize that kids have died from this, and that's terrible. However, kids die from all kinds of alcohol all the time., and whether it's from alcoholic energy drinks or whiskey, it's their fault for being an idiot about it.

I can understand why the drinking age is 21, and here's why for all you obnoxious kids who run around yelling how it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.

Some of my college friends are perfect examples. They get drunk and run around, ripping down emergency exit signs or kicking the mirrors off people's cars, and then don't even remember doing any of it. It's because in today's version of the United States, kids are spoiled by their parents and aren't given limits for any aspect of their life, let alone alcohol.

They just want to drink as much as they can because "that's the cool thing to do," despite the hangovers and problems they know are going to come with it in the end.

Now, imagine if these very kids I explained to you had the ability to walk into any liquor store they wanted and purchase as much as they could afford.

I think it's terrifying, and if you don't, you obviously must be blind.

At least right now they have to get the cash (no credit cards or checks), make friends with someone 21 or older (or spend over $100 to get a fake ID), get that person to agree to get them alcohol, find someone to drive you all, sneak it back into wherever without anyone knowing, and drink somewhat secretively since legal action could be taken if they were caught. This buffer helps prevent extremely immature, irresponsible people from openly wreaking havoc, which would do much more damage to themselves and the people around them.

People just need to learn what a limit is, which brings us to Lesson No. 2.

Limit: (n.) The greatest possible degree of something; (v.) Place limits on extent or access; Decide upon or fix definitely.

Here's a chart to let you know what constitutes one drink and how many you should limit yourself to in one day. (Note: There ARE variables in this, but that's only if you already drink way too much alcohol or are a biological phenomenon.)

(Provided by the Health Challenge Torfaen.)

Now, look at where it says "Max. DAILY Unit Allowance," three drinks for women and four drinks for men. How many people do you know stop after three or four shots? Or three or four beers? Not many, right?

Putting more alcohol into your body than recommended not only harms it, but really doesn't do anything more for you. It makes you belligerent and stupid to everyone else. My suggestion? Give yourself limits so you can be a happy drunk, rather than a burden, because alcohol can lead to some really great times, if you use it right.

(Definitions thanks to Princeton University's WordNet.)

Friends, enemies and all the in-betweens

Let me clear up that title. It's about how you're allowed to hate someone, how your friends are allowed to be friends with that person, how you don't have to get over enemies to be friends with your friends, and how it's OK to talk about it.

This entry may be a bit more on the high school level sweeping up into college, but it's a theory I have that people should think about. It's been affecting me lately due to circumstances with my old roommate/ex-best friend, and it's something no one really wants to bring up because it's "too awkward" even though they should.

Well I'm bringing in my experience to tell you a few things.

1.) You're allowed to hate someone.

Now, I'm not saying that it's OK to hate everyone like some crazy, introverted asshole, but we can't like everyone all the time. It's human nature. Some people in your life will simply rub you the wrong way and that's fine (with reason, of course).

Whether it's that boy in class that sits in front of you, shaking his leg like he's going through heroin withdrawal and always bails on group projects, or that girl who used to be your best friend but did something to hurt you enough that just hearing her name makes you want to scream, it's your right to really, really not like that person.

Unfortunately...

2.) It's not your right to tell your friends who his/her friends should be.

I don't do this, but I know people who have asked me to not befriend a person because he/she "values our friendship." Well, isn't respecting and trusting your friend enough to know nothing will change between you just because you hang out with someone he/she hates and you can still be good friends part of valuing a friendship?

You and your friends aren't going to hang out with all the same people. Sure, you may have a set group of six people that are all friends, but each individual is bound to have friends outside that group. So what if one of those people is a person you hate? As long as he/she isn't expecting you to "get over it" so you all can go for dinner, it's best to get over this.

Then again...

3.) If you have two friends that just can't get along, be Switzerland.

You have people you hate too (everyone does), and how would you feel if someone your really good friend wouldn't stop harassing you to get over it? Or even worse, ditch you all the time to be with the enemy?

Probably not so great.

Well, if you're getting mad at Friend A because he/she refuses to hang out with you and Friend B, then that's what you're doing, and I'm here to tell you it's not cool.

You have to weigh the pros and cons of each friendship:

• Who was I friends with first?
• Who is a better friend to me?
• Who shows more respect for me?
• Do I really want to lose that friend?
• Who is more important to me?

You could go from there, but say you come out even on all sides. Well, then you'll just have to get over it yourself. If you care about your friends enough, you'll respect how they feel and won't expect them to change just so you can hang out with two friends at once and save some time. That's selfish.

If you do this...

4.) You can talk about it.

One of the biggest ways you can ruin a good friendship is by letting awkward tension come between you. It makes it so neither of you wants to talk anymore, and humans can't connect to each other without communication.

Having a mutual frienemy can be one of the leading causes of this tension.

If you hate your friend's friend: I know it sucks, but you'll have to give in and just let that happen. For all you know, they won't be friends two months from now, and you'll be so glad that you waited it out. However, until then, as annoying as it is, let your friend talk to you. Listen to whatever stories he/she has to tell with a smile. This is his/her friend, and he/she wants you to be OK with that. The only way he/she will know you are is by you showing it. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will know enough not to talk about that friendship all the time. However, sometimes they'll do fun stuff and it's your responsibility to not entirely shut down.

If your friend hates your friend: Don't avoid the subject. If you're going to hang out with someone your friend hates, don't be shady when Friend A asks what you're up to that day. He/She may be annoyed at first, but a good friend realizes that it's first come, first serve and will get over it. Tell him/her everything straight and don't pussyfoot around it. Also, Friend A doesn't want to hear every detail about your friendship with Friend B, but he/she still values you as a friend and will want to know your exciting stories. The worst thing you can do is try to keep separate lives between friends. By making two separate lives for two enemies, you're definitely going to lose you at least one, if not both.

For me, this theory is fact. I've lost two of my best friends because of situations like these. My severe dislike got in the way of friendship either on my point or the friend's, and I can tell you for a fact it's one of the worst things you could imagine. Because I don't want it to happen a third time, I'm writing this blog in hopes that my friends will read it so they know how situations like these can be handled.

No one should have to lose good friends.