Friends, enemies and all the in-betweens

Let me clear up that title. It's about how you're allowed to hate someone, how your friends are allowed to be friends with that person, how you don't have to get over enemies to be friends with your friends, and how it's OK to talk about it.

This entry may be a bit more on the high school level sweeping up into college, but it's a theory I have that people should think about. It's been affecting me lately due to circumstances with my old roommate/ex-best friend, and it's something no one really wants to bring up because it's "too awkward" even though they should.

Well I'm bringing in my experience to tell you a few things.

1.) You're allowed to hate someone.

Now, I'm not saying that it's OK to hate everyone like some crazy, introverted asshole, but we can't like everyone all the time. It's human nature. Some people in your life will simply rub you the wrong way and that's fine (with reason, of course).

Whether it's that boy in class that sits in front of you, shaking his leg like he's going through heroin withdrawal and always bails on group projects, or that girl who used to be your best friend but did something to hurt you enough that just hearing her name makes you want to scream, it's your right to really, really not like that person.

Unfortunately...

2.) It's not your right to tell your friends who his/her friends should be.

I don't do this, but I know people who have asked me to not befriend a person because he/she "values our friendship." Well, isn't respecting and trusting your friend enough to know nothing will change between you just because you hang out with someone he/she hates and you can still be good friends part of valuing a friendship?

You and your friends aren't going to hang out with all the same people. Sure, you may have a set group of six people that are all friends, but each individual is bound to have friends outside that group. So what if one of those people is a person you hate? As long as he/she isn't expecting you to "get over it" so you all can go for dinner, it's best to get over this.

Then again...

3.) If you have two friends that just can't get along, be Switzerland.

You have people you hate too (everyone does), and how would you feel if someone your really good friend wouldn't stop harassing you to get over it? Or even worse, ditch you all the time to be with the enemy?

Probably not so great.

Well, if you're getting mad at Friend A because he/she refuses to hang out with you and Friend B, then that's what you're doing, and I'm here to tell you it's not cool.

You have to weigh the pros and cons of each friendship:

• Who was I friends with first?
• Who is a better friend to me?
• Who shows more respect for me?
• Do I really want to lose that friend?
• Who is more important to me?

You could go from there, but say you come out even on all sides. Well, then you'll just have to get over it yourself. If you care about your friends enough, you'll respect how they feel and won't expect them to change just so you can hang out with two friends at once and save some time. That's selfish.

If you do this...

4.) You can talk about it.

One of the biggest ways you can ruin a good friendship is by letting awkward tension come between you. It makes it so neither of you wants to talk anymore, and humans can't connect to each other without communication.

Having a mutual frienemy can be one of the leading causes of this tension.

If you hate your friend's friend: I know it sucks, but you'll have to give in and just let that happen. For all you know, they won't be friends two months from now, and you'll be so glad that you waited it out. However, until then, as annoying as it is, let your friend talk to you. Listen to whatever stories he/she has to tell with a smile. This is his/her friend, and he/she wants you to be OK with that. The only way he/she will know you are is by you showing it. If he/she is really your friend, he/she will know enough not to talk about that friendship all the time. However, sometimes they'll do fun stuff and it's your responsibility to not entirely shut down.

If your friend hates your friend: Don't avoid the subject. If you're going to hang out with someone your friend hates, don't be shady when Friend A asks what you're up to that day. He/She may be annoyed at first, but a good friend realizes that it's first come, first serve and will get over it. Tell him/her everything straight and don't pussyfoot around it. Also, Friend A doesn't want to hear every detail about your friendship with Friend B, but he/she still values you as a friend and will want to know your exciting stories. The worst thing you can do is try to keep separate lives between friends. By making two separate lives for two enemies, you're definitely going to lose you at least one, if not both.

For me, this theory is fact. I've lost two of my best friends because of situations like these. My severe dislike got in the way of friendship either on my point or the friend's, and I can tell you for a fact it's one of the worst things you could imagine. Because I don't want it to happen a third time, I'm writing this blog in hopes that my friends will read it so they know how situations like these can be handled.

No one should have to lose good friends.