A vocabulary lesson on alcohol

(Thanks to the chicagoist for the image.)

With the recent banning of the alcoholic energy drink Four Loko in New York, Michigan and Washington states, I thought I should voice an opinion that hardly anyone will read (just like any other warning on anything) about the things people neglect when it comes to alcohol.

Lesson No. 1, also known as the reason Four Loko was banned: Drink responsibly.

Drink: (v.) Take in liquids; Consume alcohol.
Responsibly: (adv.) In a responsible manner.
Responsible: (adj.) Worthy of or requiring responsibility or trust; Held accountable.

Now, according to this, the warning that shows quite clearly on every single can/bottle of alcohol purchased or advertisement made for the stuff means "to take in alcohol in a trusting manner for which you can be held accountable."

You know what this doesn't mean? Everyone go buy five Four Lokos and see who can chug them down the fastest.

No one wins in that scenario. You black out, puke all over yourself, look like an complete jerk and aren't able to get out of bed the next day because of a headache that is hardly worth the title of "champ."

It's not just Four Lokos though (silly Food and Drug Administration). It's any kind of alcohol, period. Edward 40 Hands, Rack Races, Power Hours, no matter what it is, there are always going to be those assholes who think they're the coolest thing to ever grace this earth because they can down a water bottle of vodka and not puke until they shower the next morning.

Well, assholes who ruined Four Loko for everyone, though you'll probably never read this, I would like you to know that if the people of those three states previously mentioned actually knew who you were, you'd probably be strung upside down from a lamppost, naked, and left until someone (most like the police since it's their job) pitied you enough to cut you down.

Now, I don't mean to only attack the Four Loko situation because I do realize that kids have died from this, and that's terrible. However, kids die from all kinds of alcohol all the time., and whether it's from alcoholic energy drinks or whiskey, it's their fault for being an idiot about it.

I can understand why the drinking age is 21, and here's why for all you obnoxious kids who run around yelling how it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.

Some of my college friends are perfect examples. They get drunk and run around, ripping down emergency exit signs or kicking the mirrors off people's cars, and then don't even remember doing any of it. It's because in today's version of the United States, kids are spoiled by their parents and aren't given limits for any aspect of their life, let alone alcohol.

They just want to drink as much as they can because "that's the cool thing to do," despite the hangovers and problems they know are going to come with it in the end.

Now, imagine if these very kids I explained to you had the ability to walk into any liquor store they wanted and purchase as much as they could afford.

I think it's terrifying, and if you don't, you obviously must be blind.

At least right now they have to get the cash (no credit cards or checks), make friends with someone 21 or older (or spend over $100 to get a fake ID), get that person to agree to get them alcohol, find someone to drive you all, sneak it back into wherever without anyone knowing, and drink somewhat secretively since legal action could be taken if they were caught. This buffer helps prevent extremely immature, irresponsible people from openly wreaking havoc, which would do much more damage to themselves and the people around them.

People just need to learn what a limit is, which brings us to Lesson No. 2.

Limit: (n.) The greatest possible degree of something; (v.) Place limits on extent or access; Decide upon or fix definitely.

Here's a chart to let you know what constitutes one drink and how many you should limit yourself to in one day. (Note: There ARE variables in this, but that's only if you already drink way too much alcohol or are a biological phenomenon.)

(Provided by the Health Challenge Torfaen.)

Now, look at where it says "Max. DAILY Unit Allowance," three drinks for women and four drinks for men. How many people do you know stop after three or four shots? Or three or four beers? Not many, right?

Putting more alcohol into your body than recommended not only harms it, but really doesn't do anything more for you. It makes you belligerent and stupid to everyone else. My suggestion? Give yourself limits so you can be a happy drunk, rather than a burden, because alcohol can lead to some really great times, if you use it right.

(Definitions thanks to Princeton University's WordNet.)